Its always been forever...

I miss him...

Well I'm stressed again. Stressed with school, work, my internship, and worrying that everything may or may not work out... The summer is suppose to be relaxing but this one has been far from it. I have something going on everyday and lately I havent been seeing the "fruits" of my labor hopefully that will change soon!

I dont really know what to say cause I dont really know how I am feeling. Last night Adam died who I knew when I was in school at MCA but since I have been in TN I obviously dont see him but now thinking that he is gone I can't even believe it. I dont understand when people die especially people like Adam who have such a heart for God and are totally dedicated to him. I read on his facebook group a line that said, "We only know that God had a better plan" but I dont see it or get it. If he isnt here then how is there a differnt plan?? Death just confuses me.

Lately there have been so many deaths around me- but not directly related to me. For instance, Rollie (from CNC) died in a car accident. He went to my school  and was in one of my classes for about 2 weeks and although I didnt know him I couldnt help but be sad and cry then the Virginia Tech shooting happened which isnt far from here. I didnt know anybody from there but I was tore up about it for a long time. I still can't bring myself to watch the news about it or the videos that he sent to NBC. and now Adam (a little bit closer to home) I just dont understand. I wish that I could have talked to him one more time or watched him perform one more time or even just see him one more time. It makes me sad to think that in an instant someone can be gone. You just never know when someone can be taken from this earth. I guess that is why it says to never let the sun go down on your wrath. Tomorrow is never promised to us- I need to remember that when I get mad at someone..

I can only pray now for strength for his family and friends and the whole church body- to let this be a testimony to his life and what a great person he was. I'm sure he affected more people than just me especially since I only knew him for a few years. But I will always remember him coming to the Rock for GO practice while I had cheerleading and I wanted to impress him because I thought he was so cute lol He is a great person and a role model to the world. His life will be missed but his legacy will be lived on for forever. Miss you and Adam!!! Much love brother in christ!  Take care of us up there!

Haven't Posted in FOREVER:

Midterms are this week and everything is so hectic. I wanna go back to aruba where the weather is warm and there isnt a care in the world... and there is no Dave that ruins my life :) I'll be happy when he finally graduates and it out of my life forever. However I dont know if I can wait that long. I feel like if I just removed my self from the situation everything would be better. I feel like people are fighting against me, maybe no on purpose but them trying to "keep peace" is hurting me more. If someone was mean to you on purpose would you let them walk all over you?? I dont think so. I'm not that type of person to just let someone get away with their actions. And I'm definetly not willing to act like everything is ok and that he never did anything to me. If someone doesnt stand up to him and they keep catering to his childish ways he's never going to learn to grow up. Your not helping him in any way, and if you are trying to be a good friend, your not because your just hindering his future life. He's an immature child who needs a wake up call to reality. Everyone needs to grow up and he's already missed that train a few times!

Anyways, Dave's an idiot and I can't stand him.

Spring break is this wednesday and now I'm not sure what I'm doing. I was going to Florida but why would I want to go now when the people I thought cared about me, are actually rooting against me. Maybe I'll be making a trip to New Jersey with Tiff... Who knows?

So I found out something exciting, and this is going to sound dumb, but if it happened to you it would make you feel good about yourself too. Ok, so have you ever had a crush on somebody and thought they would never like you back?!? Well I did, then I found out yesterday (oh, this crush was a LONG time ago) that he also had a crush on me! Now I know this happened so long ago and we both have significant others. but that fact that that perosn felt the same way about you at one time or another makes me feel good. I know that sounds dumb. but I guess you have to be in my head. Don't worry I dont like this person like that any more, its just the fact you know. :)

Anyways, life will go on with or without people so I guess I'm wading through the crap and when I get out of this mess we'll see where I'll be.

This is kind of depressing, but I'm not depressed. Just thinking about life.

Have a great and wonderful day everyone!